Dystopian Marmots to the Rescue

Radio Silence

2024-02-03T19:51:48Z

I'm sorry about that radio silence as of late. I developed pneumonia just before the new year started. I'm still going through it. I might be silent for a while until I get over this pneumonia.

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Scott

2023-12-29T21:33:34Z

Yesterday went downhill.

One of my oldest friends passed away. I've known him since I was about eight or nine years old.

I first met Scott when we attended MDA summer camper together. He surprised me because he was the first camp I met who didn't use a wheelchair. Before that point, I'd never met anyone with muscular dystrophy who wasn't a wheelchair user.

I didn't know about Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Since I didn't know about it, it always seemed odd that he didn't use a wheelchair at first. We became friends but briefly drifted apart when I was assigned to an older cabin.

He was four years younger than me. We didn't really reconnect until we both ended up graduating to the teenage cabins.

By that point, Scott had lost his older brother to the same condition. One horrible fact of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy is those with the condition are likely to die young. Scott's brother died when he was a teenager.

If I'm remembering right, Scott's brother was only 15. We were about the same age.

21 years old is a risky time for people with DMD. 21 is one my friend Mat died. When Scott survived past 21, his goal was to make it to 30.

30 came, and his new goal was to make it to 40. If he had made it 40, his goal would then be to make it to 50. Sadly, Scott passed on Christmas Eve at 38 years old.

I played online chess with him every day. One of his Facebook statuses was looking for a friend to play chess with once in a while. We used to play when we attended camp together, so I made an account and started playing with him.

Scott knew over six languages. The ones I know he learned for certain were French and Japanese.

He was always reading books. I remember one year where he read 500 books. His last Facebook status was celebrating having read 200 books this year. For the past decade, I can't remember a year passing by where Scott didn't celebrate a reading milestone.

I was hoping that we would meet again someday. It turned out we had more in common than I thought. He wasn't gay, but he identified as pansexual. We even had similar taste in guys (though he had more variety in types than I do). While we were playing chess, he one time joked that we could easily be in our own sitcom.

Two queer cripples who play chess.

I was wondering why he hadn't played in a few days. I found out the news while looking at his Facebook page. There was an emotional outpouring of people talking about how they couldn't believe he was gone.

I still can't believe it. I spent most of yesterday crying.

I was really rooting for him to make it to 50. 60 if possible. The world is worse off without him.

I'll miss you, Scott.

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Family Visit

2023-12-28T17:00:11Z

The family visit was surprisingly low-key.

There was no drama from the parents.

Sadly, there was one major downside. My dad came sick. As a result, my older sister caught something from either him or my brother-in-law (he was already sick).

Dad went to the urgent care to see what was up and said it was an ear infection. However, he kept blowing his nose and using all of the tissues. He kept coughing a lot. I hope he didn't have something and didn't tell us what was going on…

It just didn't seem like an ear infection. He used a whole box of tissues while he was here.

We had a good Christmas day. I got the new SSD I wanted. I need to hook it up to the laptop, clone the drive, and then switch the old SSD with the new one. However, that will wait another day since I need help setting it up, and anyone who can help me is sick. I probably should have done it yesterday while my dad was still here because he could've helped me. Once I install the new SSD, I will have more disk space!

I also received three pairs of khakis, some pajama bottoms, a docking station, an electric shaver, and a new pair of wireless gaming headphones. The khakis didn't fit, so my parents will return them.

I had a little food for Christmas but regretted it. Due to my swallowing issues, aspiration is a big problem for me. I'm lucky I didn't aspirate anything too big! I plan on sticking to my G-tube diet and avoiding anything problematic (since my edibles are easy to swallow, I don't have to worry about aspirating them). I might have some soup or something else that requires little effort to swallow, but nothing like what I had on Christmas. I ate some sweet potato casserole, cucumber kimchi, and stuffing. All three didn't swallow easily. So, I'm avoiding them in the near future.

I should work on my swallowing exercises daily instead of a few times a week.

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Repurposing Malls

2023-11-25T15:11:41Z

I've talked about this before, but I wanted to revisit this subject after watching Dawn of the Dead on YouTube. ( Movie behind the cut if you are interested in watching Dawn of the Dead )

Any abandoned malls still in good condition should be converted into housing. This has already been done with one of the oldest malls in America. I see no point in letting these structures sit abandoned if they can be turned into apartments and living areas. Some of the bigger stores can be converted into family apartments.

They can also still provide some form of jobs to stimulate the economy. Other than housing, the food courts could be reopened to provide breakfast, lunch, and dinner for residents. This wouldn't be the only job opportunity within these living spaces.

These living spaces require maintenance. Cleaning crews would be valuable in such a situation. Of course, it should be clear to residents to abstain from littering so unnecessary stress isn't put on these crews.

The gigantic stores can be turned into recreational areas. Where there was once a Sears (or some other large-scale store) could be a collection of gyms, clubs, and movie theaters. I believe even indoor gardening could be an option (assuming options for natural light can be provided).

Speaking of natural light, this should definitely be a feature within these spaces. I would love to see natural lighting added to the inside of apartments. If walking areas don't have natural lighting, they should.

Perhaps the kiosks could still serve a purpose, too. I would love to see a social community in these living spaces. The kiosks could be places where people gather to socialize with one another. Maybe they can provide drinks and snacks.

What do you think? Do you think this would be possible?

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David Bowie Appreciation Entry

2023-11-18T22:04:54Z

David Bowie needs more love! ( All David Bowie & Bowie-related content behind the cut )

Anybody care to share their favorite?

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Songs That Are Banging Part One

2023-11-13T20:33:17Z

All of them are behind cuts so as not to make this post video-heavy.

( Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division )

( Like the Wind (cover) – Mike Mills )

( Bang Your Drum – Wolf Parade )

( Friday I Am in Love – The Cure )

( Leather on the Seat – The New Pornographers )

( Time after Time – Cyndi Lauper )

( Queen of Languages – Destroyer )

( Disappointing Diamonds Are the Rarest of Them All – Father John Misty )

( No Destruction – Foxygen )

( Requiem for O.M.M.2 – of Montreal )

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Acid

2023-10-16T03:08:12Z

I've probably mentioned this before. I would like to drop some acid. I'm in a recreational mood.

Too bad that hasn't been legalized. Besides recreationally, I'd also want to use it medicinally. Whenever I've dropped acid, I've had good experiences that melt away stress and pain issues.

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Cyan

2023-10-07T20:35:18Z

Today, Cyan died. My older sister's ex-boyfriend took her back from his relatives because she was "healthy". She wasn't gaining any weight and they planned to put her down. He didn't even have the decency to let her die comfortably!

I hope he never gets another dog. She deserved better. He deserved nothing. He just let her die.

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Dedication

2023-10-04T20:34:50Z

This one's for the healer too busy to heal themselves. I also dedicate this to those who feel they've been stolen. Props to the people who are too tired but keep up the good fight. If you feel alone, what can I do to stop that feeling?

This also goes to you who are underappreciated and deserve praise. To anyone whose depression won't stop, depression can go fuck itself! I want to slit its throat, too. If I could drown it in an acid vat, I'd be laughing like a prophet who's discovered enlightenment.

To those who would hold us down, I give you the middle finger. Shitheels suck! We don't exist to be your punching bag. Go ahead and take your ball home, we don't need the accompanying attitude. Nobody asked your opinion.

Praise to the folk who dole out good solicited advice despite its under-appraisal. Keep on trucking, though sometimes life tends toward sucking. Know that you are treasured. Words have value, especially yours.

Rise above because it's better than living below rock bottom. Be the poet whose pen strokes illustrate your life. Every line tells a story. Every word is a musical note adding to your melody, even the discordant. Own what you are because someone must own it.

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The Appointment

2023-10-04T14:32:34Z

The appointment went surprisingly quickly. Comfortably, too.

I was expecting the usual questions but didn't get them. In my experience, it's common for the interviewer to request your finances during SS appointments. However, they only asked me if I work, am married, and if I have kids. At the end of the interview, they told me I should look for paperwork in the mail.

IIRC, when I was applying for benefits from my mom's Social Security, it wasn't that stressful either. It's been years since that point so it shouldn't be a surprise I forgot how short the interview is.

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SSI Phone Appointment

2023-10-02T17:59:15Z

I have an SSI phone appointment tomorrow. I hope it goes well.

I loathe dealing with the SSA. This appointment has been set to discuss gaining extra benefits via my dad's Social Security. In the past, I've received more benefits via my mother's Social Security. So, I know what to expect. Regardless of why this appointment is booked, I still hate dealing with government bureaucracy.

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Door Tapestries and a Depression Episode Ending

2023-10-01T21:45:30Z

I'm happy to report that my one-and-a-half-month-long depression episode is finally coming to a close. It's so relieving to finally start feeling better. Thank you all for putting up with me during this time!

My sister was able to set up my door tapestry today. I'm glad that it's finally up.

A little privacy is better than none!

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The Misadventures of Rufus Fleetfoot – Chapter 5

2023-09-27T01:30:29Z

It's been a while since I updated my playthrough. Anyway, here it is:

The Misadventures of Rufus Fleetfoot – Chapter 5

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Committing to a Browser

2023-09-26T23:50:27Z

It's weird how difficult committing to one browser has been. For a long time, I was committed to Opera. That all changed when a friend of mine told me to give Vivaldi a shot because it's similar and doesn't (AFAIK) support NFTs. I never thought I would give up a browser just because they support NFTs, but then I read up on them and couldn't get over the stupidity of NFT "art".

Except, I couldn't use Vivaldi with Dragon NaturallySpeaking. It wasn't that Dragon NaturallySpeaking didn't work. It's because I couldn't perform specific actions with the program. I use it now because I've learned some commands to replace the prompts that weren't working.

Brave was a great browser but fell into the same trap as Opera. I don't find supporting NFTs for specific purposes like boosting protection on sensitive programming wrong. Or, in one case I learned about from the Darkest Moments on TV YouTube series, to file a copyright infringement on anyone sharing video footage of their child's suicide during a news program.

Regarding that last one, I don't have any objections to a parent making video footage of their child's suicide an NFT because they want some form of legal recourse against anyone sharing the footage.

One of the issues I have with NFT "art" is that buyers act like they own something of great value. You own the data, not the image. Objectively speaking, just because you own a piece of art doesn't mean you're making the world a better place. The same applies to NFT "art".

If someone right-clicks and saves an NFT image, it ceases to have value.

I'm also not a fan of the environmental impacts. I might be willing to accept it if it's for something important. Even then, it's a hard pill to swallow.

And though I may find it ridiculous the amounts of money people will pay for NFT "art", it's their money. But it won't stop me from mocking them for public displays of anger over "stolen art."

As long as the option to right-click an online image and save it is available, people taking the image is a given. Once you upload it online, it's not safe from others. Not 100 percent.

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Of Door Tapestries & Icons

2023-09-20T23:02:21Z

The door tapestry I ordered finally arrived! I'll ask for some pictures to be taken, later. I was pleasantly surprised that it splits in the middle.

I uploaded two new icons but it was supposed to be three. I couldn't decide on which icon to delete so I could upload another one in its place. I love making icons, but I need to pay for the account so I'll be able to upload more.

Mainly, I just like the icons as a means of expressing what I'm feeling at that moment. If I can upload more icons, there won't be any need to worry so much about what I'm replacing. Worry is too strong of a word but I couldn't think of anything else.

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In a Rut

2023-09-17T18:07:14Z

I'm pretty sure I'm in a rut. Depression is really kicking my ass lately. I may need a change of some sort. Maybe it's time I seek therapy again.

My biggest hope is they'll be able to start video appointments right away. Due to a lack of transportation and a wheelchair ramp in disrepair, I'm not leaving the house anytime soon. It would be awesome if they sent any paperwork that needs signing to my house. It would save me a lot of hassle and make this easier.

Yet I suspect they will want me to come to the office.

I actually prefer visiting an office. I want to be able to talk with no worries anything overheard would be misconstrued. It's not like anyone would intentionally eavesdrop, but it does happen. I want to talk about my issues without the possibility of being overheard. I wish to express myself without fear of misunderstanding.

I can request privacy during the sessions but worry my request will be viewed suspiciously. It's terrible enough everybody thinks I went to the long-term care facility because I was looking for "something better." I wasn't. I thought I was at that point where I had little recourse because of my deterioration. I was wrong.

Sadly, whenever I bring this up, I'm told I went because I wanted something better. Having already experienced a long-term care facility (albeit briefly), it was the last place I wanted to be. Why would I wish to go somewhere worse for my health and well-being?

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Gumption & Gumshoes

2023-09-15T03:11:40Z

So, I recently finished an interesting novel. Spoilers after the cut. ( Gumption & Gumshoes )

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The Ariel Pink Situation

2023-09-08T15:44:46Z

Recently, I heard Ariel Pink was dropped from his label. I learned of the situation through a YouTube recommendation of a Tucker Carlson interview. I'm confident the algorithm recommended it mainly because I had been listening to a lot of Ariel Pink for the past few months.

Before I finished watching the interview, I became disillusioned with the artist. He says he's going to be destitute because of being canceled. He claimed he'd been canceled many times before and doesn't believe it to be "real" (his words, not mine). Next, Ariel said he had no choice but to be interviewed by Tucker Carlson because no one else would hear his side of the story.

I don't think someone with a net worth of 19,000,000 dollars will become destitute anytime soon. I could be wrong. Mainly, I'm taking issue with his use of the word. I didn't know about his previous controversies, but they obviously didn't stop his career. Between his fan base, the possibility of his fan base growing from this, and royalties, I think Ariel Pink will be fine.

Still, learning about him has made his music less palatable. He's said bisexuality is trendy and (IIRC) has also expressed transphobic sentiments. I don't even think he's worth being a problematic lesson. It was good music.

Past tense.

( This is not the interview, but this analysis delved into the situation better than I can. )

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The World's Deadliest Animal

2023-09-04T16:33:06Z

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Belladonna of Sadness

2023-09-04T13:36:43Z

If you want to watch something artistic and disturbing, check out Belladonna of Sadness. Belladonna of Sadness is a semi-animated film about a woman who becomes a witch after she is sexually assaulted by the local Lord. As the protagonist's power grows, she comes into her own.

BoS genuinely disturbed me after I watched it. Sexual assault scenes in movies do that to me. The one in this movie is particularly jarring because sound effects and watercolor paintings are used to depict it. It wasn't easy to sit through but is also a driving force of Jeanne's development. Most of the movie is comprised of still images except for a few scenes.

… And the devil is a penis.

AFAIK, BoS has no English dub. If you can't stand subtitles, this movie isn't for you.

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The Devils

2023-09-04T00:32:32Z

I really wish I could have seen the theatrical version of The Devils. It's one of those controversial movies that is still good despite being cut up to make it less offensive. Granted, it's understandable why the theatrical version was only shown once.

Let's face it, when one of your characters is a nun who masturbates using the charred bone of the priest she loved, your movie is going to get banned. It was so controversial when it aired in Italy that the 2 lead actors had warrants for their arrest. If they set foot in Italy, they faced a 10-year prison sentence just for starring in The Devils!

It starred Vanessa Redgrave and Oliver Reed. Vanessa plays the nun who is in love with Oliver Reed's character. The Devils is a movie about political and religious corruption. It's definitely not for the squeamish.

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New Icons and Stuff yet to Be Determined

2023-09-03T22:36:33Z

I replaced 3 icons. One of these days, I will pay for an account so I can have more than just 15. It's just not part of the plan at the moment.

Firstly, I need to start writing again. A lot of my projects have been on the back burner too long. One of my biggest issues lately is time management. I should set a specific time for writing like I did in the past.

Another project I need to prioritize is the sequel to my campaign. I finished DMing my campaign a few weeks ago. I've always planned on creating two follow-up campaigns for my players and their characters. At the very least, I should come up with some ideas that I can expand into a campaign.

In the meantime, I'm a player in my friend Mike's campaign. It's a pre-generated character, so I still need to study their traits so I can better role-play them. I've been winging it when I really shouldn't be doing that, LOL! Leveling is based on milestones instead of experience. Right now, I'm a level II Halfling Rogue who once belonged to a group called the Redbrands.

Since I like reusing names, I've named him after my halfling PC in Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition. His full name is Rufus Tealeaf. One part of Rufus's personality traits describes him as keeping his previous Redbrand association the secret from his aunt. There's more than enough info to play with when I role-play.

I haven't decided which archetype I'm choosing when he's level III. I'm considering either Arcane Trickster or Scout. The only issue I have with the former is I'll need to invest more attribute points into intelligence. IIRC, that's an important stat for an Arcane Trickster.

After looking at more of the archetypes, I'm also considering either Assassin or Thief. The latter is more realistic with the character, but, as an assassin, I could play around with his traits. Since Rufus wants to keep his previous association with the Redbrands a secret, I think the assassin could play a role in that. They made him a killer and he's ashamed of the past.

Likely, I'm probably going to choose Arcane Trickster. The only thing that gives me pause is ATs are notoriously tricky to play.

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It's a Sin

2023-09-02T20:17:16Z

I finished It's a Sin on HBO Max. I expected this miniseries to be bittersweet and hard-hitting but was surprised it hit me harder than The Normal Heart. I went in expecting to receive a black eye and I came out with a punctured lung.

Both stories take place during the rise of HIV in the eighties. They also feature a group of LGBTI+ friends facing the HIV and AIDS epidemic. If you've seen any plot involving these subjects, you know what to expect. However, that's where the similarities end.

IaS takes place in the UK. TNH takes place in the US. IaS's cast is primarily LGBTQ+, but TNH's cast wasn't totally LGBTQ+. IaS's leading actor is openly gay while TNH's leading actor is straight. Ritchie (IaS) is the last of the characters to involve themselves in HIV activism, but Ned (TNH) is the first of the characters to pursue activism (and kudos to Mark Ruffalo for making it known that a gay actor should have been cast over him).

( Spoilers ahead )

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Show Your Age

2023-08-30T18:22:54Z

Show your age by sharing a video.

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Well… That Was a Bust

2023-08-30T01:24:01Z

I still can't install the Dragon NaturallySpeaking web extension on Firefox. I'm back to using Brave. There's nothing wrong with this browser (AFAIK), I just wanted to try Firefox.

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